“Son, you’re what we call hopeless.”
Ryan was on a very dark path for a very long time…
Parents yelling, dad storming out, the door slamming, left on the sidelines to watch it all play out. This was the first real memory Ryan had. He was 5 when his parents separated, and that was the last time he saw them together. The impact this experience had on his life was profound, and the abandonment he felt shaped the broken and lonely life he lived prior to finding Christ through Teen Challenge.
“I learned quickly that family could be replaced by friends and feelings could be masked by substances. At 9 years old I took my first drink. The alcohol stopped the hurt I felt, and by the time I was 12 I was smoking marijuana, and taking a cocktail of Valium, Xanax and Klonopin”.
“I would shut down any talk of religion or God. I would hear about the Heavenly Father and think he must be just like my earthly father and would one day abandon me, too. I had no interest in another father or a relationship with God.”
“The path I chose was dark, and I was in and out of detention centers. At seventeen years old I started using heroin. It provided an escape from all the demons in my mind. By the time I was eighteen, I was stealing anything I could get my hands on. One night I broke into the house of a police officer who was head of the local drug task force.”
That began a cycle of being in and out of jail along with multiple overdoses. “At twenty-one, I remember being in a Pennsylvania courtroom and a judge telling me “Son, you’re what we call hopeless.”
When I was released from jail, I found myself homeless. The feeling of worthlessness was consuming and it was then that I decided to end my life. I took seven bags of Fentanyl, stuck the needle in my arm, and expected not to wake up. Nevertheless, I did wake up- with the needle still there. I walked to the nearest hospital and they called Pennsylvania Adult and Teen Challenge. I was dumbfounded when Teen Challenge drove 1 hour and forty-five minutes to pick me up- a homeless drug addict. I didn’t think I was worth it.
At the time, I didn’t understand why I was spared, but God saw my worth when I didn’t see it myself. I walked into Teen Challenge and saw the words on the wall “Bringing wholeness to the hopeless.” I recalled that judge calling me hopeless. I knew at that moment I was in the right place.
After graduating from the program and finally letting God’s love infiltrate my heart, I chose to stay at Teen Challenge and help others find the hope that I had found. It changed the trajectory of my life completely.
Today, I’m a pastor at Pennsylvania Adult and Teen Challenge. I see other people like me who come in feeling hopeless, and I get to tell them that they do not have to walk this road alone. I tell them, “God says that you are worthy. He can make you whole. I thought I was worthless. I thought I had no hope, but hope has a name- His name is Jesus. He will never fail you.”
I am now married, and I have a beautiful wife who is a blessing to me every day. We also have a baby on the way, and as I pray over my wife and my baby, I tell him every single night how much I love him. I am committed to making sure my son always knows my love and the love of The Father.
I am eternally grateful to PAATC and people like you who make it all possible. Thank you for giving me new life and the opportunity to know and embrace His unfailing love.
While Ryan is now walking the path that God intended for him, there are so many others in need of the care you can help provide. There is a world full of hurting people just beyond our reach, and rarely a person can say they haven’t seen the devastating effects substance abuse has had on someone they know or love.
As we enter a season where love is the focus, I pray you will consider giving from your heart and demonstrate the greatest love of all…God’s love.
